‘How did this happen?’ I wondered as I attempted to roll on to my back on the padded floor without using my hands, as they were strapped together behind my back. How did I go from talented art student, opera singer, and national award winning flautist, to this? My life suddenly revolved around hospitalizations, daily “safe room” visits, Electro-Convulsive Therapy, and so many more horrors I’d never imagined.
This is my story: the story of a Schizo-Affective woman who, for the first ten years of her disease, spent more time inpatient than out. It is the story of my struggle for sanity, and the dark roads I traveled in pursuit of it.
I write to give hope to the hopeless many, trapped in the same vicious cycle of horror that I was. I write to destroy the stigma which surrounds mental illness in all its forms, and to shed light on what is so frequently swept under the rug.
I write also for those people of faith who may have a family member or a friend who struggles as I have, and as so many others do. How does one approach someone who looks a bit scary? How do you show them Christ’s love?
Where is the “Good” God who permitted all of this, as well as my innumerable physical ailments and unremitting pain. Do I dare to ask him “Why?” How did it happen that the God who seemed to abandon me, was a hairsbreadth away and has come to be my best friend?
This is my journey. ‘