The blued steel was cold to the touch and bitter in taste. All senses were heightened as the foreign object made its way to the appropriate resting place. Lodged against the roof to minimize any chance for survival, the answer was just one heartbeat away. A deafening silence filled the room at the moment of truth. My thumb pulled back the steel hammer as if acting by its own power. Why did God cast me aside? Life began with an abundance of His favor. A divine intervention adoption followed by eight years of love and security in a Christian home. Suddenly, without just cause, one by one the life sustaining blessings of a child were stolen. False hopes were followed by unanswered prayers. Direct challenges to God were answered swiftly and harshly, without mercy. Abandoned by the God I was taught to trust, the well of life had run dry. The day of reckoning had arrived. With nothing to lose, I would have no regrets. I was the foundation of nothing. A promise for no one. The .357 revolver was my only hope for peace.